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Itu saja.

Sungguh. Patut lah hidup ini rasa macam tak ada makna.

To get the perspective of what I’m rambling about, click here.

With all due respect Sir, I disagree. Though your ideas seems to be conceivable, given that politic is a game full of surprises, I must say that these ideas is the least appealing to me. I mean, like, c’mon, we already have the political landscape changed dramatically in just ONE day! Surely, more miracles are coming our way. Let us not ruin it by having some politicians grappling to their last lifeline of survival in this cruel game of politics scrambling to do whatever they deem to be necessary, even if it means embracing their sworn enemies.

 

Sir, your ideas is interesting. But imagine the horrors that come along with it. Who is quitting from their camp and join the other? Or is it going to be a marriage of conveniences? A simple merger? And what about the people? Would they welcome the idea, or will it cause an even greater damage to these politicians? Even the process itself is too tiring to think of.

 

Pak Lah-Anwar? Wow! Stop it right there. People behind Anwar might feel betrayed if this happens. Imagine how many people he had to answer to if this happens. And all that trouble is for what? To become the next PM? There must be another, less troublesome ways.

Ku Li – Anwar? Interesting. But I prefer if Ku Li remains to be the man on his own, battling the war in UMNO. That would tremendously help in waking up all those sleepyheads there is in UMNO.

Ku Li – Najib? Pak Lah nak letak mana..? Kesiannnnn dia…

Ku Li – Muhyiddin? Also interesting. Diorg ni boleh geng kot…

Status quo? Yes, it could happen. But how much longer can people wait?

 

And again, all this is for what? For who to become the next PM? Shoot. I won’t mind if what they are doing is for the greater good. Show me proof that Malaysia will be better off with these, and I’ll shut my mouth.

 

But if these marriages soon materialized only for their own good, I don’t know where else should I put my faith to. I thought that people’s wishes is what really counts, but if those mentioned ever betrayed our faith just to be the biggest boss in Malaya there is, then… well, we might as well revert back to zaman paleolitik. Lagi baik. You know, the ages when we are not important, just their survival, that is. Kita dekat bawah ni apa? Mere pawns, the lowest life being there is.

 

The scenarios drawn are quite colourful. Thank you Sir, for dreaming up such possibilities. Tapi rasanya, given the many complications that could arise… saya rasa saya lagi sanggup tunggu kucing bertanduk dulu kot. 

 

p/s : come to think of it, the opposition’s bench itself seems to be weak. How good they are at managing the states is still to be seen. But the least is that their coalition is somewhat warmly welcomed by its’ supporters… And that is all that is important.

Women,

Mana yang kamu lagi sanggup?
Lelaki yang favouritenya pina colada,
Yang weekend nya di Bukit Bintang,
Yang kawan peluk2 nya Jane, Hannah, Fatimah…

Atau,

Yang tak pernah tau beza cognac dan whisky,
Tak reti clubbing,
Tak pandai nak keluar malam,
Tak pandai nak ‘cemolot’ dengan orang…

Tapi,

Yang pertama,
Attention nya untuk kamu saja,
Dalam hatinya tak terbelah 2,3,
Kamu lah intan kamulah payung,
Kamulah buah hati pengarang jantung.

Dan yang kedua,
Dalam satu2 masa,
Kamu bukanlah yang pertama,
Bukan juga kedua, atau ketiga,
Dan rankingnya tak tamat sampai 4 saja.

So… Macam mana?

p/s: those were just thoughts that occured to us (Nomi, Claire and myself) when we were having lunch of laksa penang yesterday…

We had gone (almost) through it all.

Primary & secondary school, college, matriculation etc. etc. And that translates to 24 years of experience to look back. Which also means that there had been 24 freaking years that had matured us, and let us bloom into what we are now.

But there is nothing more disappointing that having to greet someone who is still much to be the same ‘ol, same ‘ol person like he/she used to be.

A friend of mine who happen to study abroad was back here for summer break (I think). We exchanged a few polite gestures, and after a few sentences, I sensed that something was starting to slump downwards. The conversation, that is. I was expecting that after few years of living in foreign land would have changed that person a bit. But amazingly, it didn’t. The person remained as an immature being like I had known in school. (To do justice, we haven’t met for 3 years after the last time we saw each other. So that person could be a whole lot different now. Harap-haraplah).

Bukannya aku harap next time jumpa, terus jadi lain gila. Ubah style, jadi makin sexy ke apa ke (though that would be nice hehe). If that is the case, then most of my former classmates would have an easy time to prove that they too have weathered with time. Most (especially the guys) have acquired tanned skin as a result of working at the site.

I’m talking here about the character. How mature you are. How you steer your life ahead. How you are getting on. How you had proven your worth in what you are doing. In short, how much different you had been from the last time I saw you.

And there’s nothing more tragic than having to witness someone you had known to pop back up in your life getting stuck with the same unhealthy dose of immaturity and naivety that could have charmingly defined them, given if we are living in the past.

I want to write.

I want to pour out everything inside.

I want to share my fear.

I want to cry out my sorrow.

But I can’t.

Sebab kadang-kadang, kita habis kata-kata. Dah tak reti nak cakap apa. Dan rasa macam kalau kita bagitau orang pun, orang tak faham jugak.

Sebab kadang-kadang, kita pun tau, apa benda yang ada kat dalam sini, takut yang kita reka seniri. Yang tak ada asal, tak ada pangkal, dan tak ada sudah.

Kalau boleh, nak letak titik noktah. Takde takda soal, tanda seru dalam ayat-ayat yang kita rangka dalam otak kita. Biar yang itu habis tang situ ja. Biar ayat-ayat yang kemudian lain sikit nadanya. Yang nadanya boleh sedap hati kita. Yang tak ada langsung ragu-ragunya.

Aku bukan orang lain. Aku macam dulu jugak. Nak lain pun, sikit-sikit saja. Cuma dah ada kerja. Itu pun, best sangat ka? Tetap tak boleh mengundi dalam pilihanraya.

1) Why I need… A JOB

Here’s a thing. I don’t dream to be, like, all those high-flying, personal jet-hopping moguls or corporate figure. I just want a decent job that gives a decent salary but with a huge payoff in terms of emotional fulfillment. Imagine having finished a job well-done, realizing that what you have build is going to be used for eternity. Okay, an eternity does seems a bit melampau, but think of pyramid, great wall of China, etc. Still standing, kan? Also, I need to finance my new ambition; a home. A humble abode which belongs only to myself, and no one else. Clean interior, simple, streamlined, edgy, etc. Ah, heaven!

2) Why I need… TO IMPROVE MY ENGLISH

Several years passed, and time had weaned off my passion for debating. I wouldn’t say that I am that good, but debating had tremendously helped me to become fluent in English. Prior to that, I can only understand whatever that is written and spoken, but I can’t provide a reply in a snap. And now, since I had quit, my grasp on the language is slowly loosening up. It felt worse when I noticed some of my former schoolmates has really improved. Diorang punye fluent tu, secara analoginya macam air paip; pulas sikit je mencurah curah keluar.

3) Why HE needs… TO PUT ON HIS SHIRT

For whatever that is happening to Faizal Tahir, I stand by his side. But the majority is not. And that’s the reason of the 3 months ban. I can’t imagine who could fill in his shoes in AJL. Salah ke bukak baju? Bukan pompuan pun… He does have a reputation for going overboard, but sadly, there is just too many things that an average Malaysian can’t swallow. They even blew it out of proportion when he slided on his knees when he was announced to be in the finals. Kecoh…

4) Why THEY need… MORE CREATIVE EXCUSES

i) “Kenapa encik berambut panjang?” “Oh, ni sebab nak galakkan anak-anak perempuan saya berambut panjang jugak.” Tolonglah!

ii) “Semua ni super-imposed je. Saya tau ada orang nak jatuhkan saya. Saya tau sangat dalangnya siapa.” Like you are the President of United States la sampai orang berhempas pulas Photoshop-kan gambar ko… Berkeping-keping pulak tu… Weener.. (Note: This is not an exclusive reference to the recent ones. Yang dulu2 pun sama je).

Hey, I finally have something to say! But it’s still C grade crap. Ha ha.

No way! There could be that many things to be blessed by for this year!

And I thought that I had enough of stuff to bitch about hahaha

Okay, first off, I didn’t attend that high school reunion due to some stoopid financial trouble. As I told Ajie, keje tanam anggur ni banyak modal nak kene kluar hehe..

And it’s the third week of January, and I still can’t find a job. Terasa sangat useless. Well, it didn’t help either that having a certain standard set by the folks at home does sort of ‘helping’ me to let go some of the opportunities.  At this point, I have only my foolish optimism to keep my chin up.

And boy have I noticed a lot of things happening around me these days! Bukan orang2 sekeliling yek, but the news, I mean. With all the hooplas going on, I’m not sure if this is the land on which I had grown up before.  It seems like the landscape of this country has dramatically changed, and I don’t know where I stand. *Hoi Nett, macam….! Keje tak dpt lagi dah berangan2 nak bagi sumbangan untuk negara haha*

Whatever la kan…

But it has been a bliss, that I had the chance to do nothing except guling2, tengok tv, dan masak2. Dan shopping. Dan pegi berpoye poye. Kool bangat, kan? I am enjoying the nothingness as much as I can… Huhuhu…

Haven’t been writing for quite some time, and my thoughts are just scattering through my brain. Before I lose any of it to the black hole inside my head, let me start whittling away my thoughts with my keyboard.

1) McD Section 3 employee suxx!

I had 2 bad experiences when I deal with that particular girl. Too bad I didn’t get her name; I would be more than pleased to put it up here. She’s ugly, mean, discourteous, and have hearing problems. With that list of less than stellar qualities, I wonder why the heck did the manager put her at the counter. She should be put wayyyyyyyyyy at the back in the kitchen, where she couldn’t be bothered to smile at the customers.

Once, I asked for BBQ sauce, and I should, because if you order Spicy Chicken McNugget you can have that sauce. With a little more that a seposen look on her face, she said “Dah habis.” And she practically thrown another sachet of Sweet & Sour Sauce on my tray. Aku tak puas hati, aku tanya sorang lagi budak kat situ. Budak tu with a smile, handed me that BBQ sauce that I wanted. I was like… Geez, fat ugly bitch.. Ko nak simpan BBQ sauce tu untuk diri seniri ke? Siyal!

Last night, also when dealing with that fat ugly bitch, I asked for (again) 9 pieces of Spicy McNugget set, medium, but with large cup of coffee. And she keyed in 6 pieces, and one cup of small coffee, sans the medium fries, a la carte. Pekak ke pekak badak? Woman, I know that you guys have invented a system that if we order a set, we can’t have any other options but to stick with what your system has dictated. But could you at least ask my opinion first? I could have ordered the medium set with one small cup of coffee instead. Or any other options la kan… But ask me first la. Ko ingat bapak ko tu Ronald McDonald ke ko sesukati hati nak ubah2 bende?

(To do her justice la kan, maybe dia tersalah dengar. I asked for ‘nine’, she could have misheard it as ‘nam’.  But that still couldn’t explain why she didn’t let me order it as a set anyway).

Customer can be stupid, but we are entitled to have waiter/whatever yang bersopan yang muka manis skit. Ko period ke semalam?

2) Work!

On another, more positive note, (or bleak, depending on what you think of job-hunting), I am on the lookout for a job. Kalau ada lobang2 yang viable untuk aku masuk, khabar2kan la yek.. Hehe..

In short: A final semester student looking for job opportunities in a C&S Engineering Consultant company, or O&G pun boleh jugak la. Err… what else aaa?

Btw, I went through 2 interviews. The first one, an O&G company, which asked too many questions, and yes, I am stoopid I couldn’t answer them the way they want to hear it. But there’s no point dwelling on past failure. Better move on before everybody else gets in my way huhu. The 2nd interview is for management trainee position, but again, I don’t think I’ll get the job. She doubted whether I would be suitable to be stationed at site. Aku pun tak konfiden dengan diri seniri hahaha.. Tapi takpelah, Insya Allah, rezeki ada kat mana2. I hope my faith won’t fade away :)

3) General well-being

I have never been this contented, positive, hopeful, faithful, and optimistic before. Ditto.

So.. That’s it! Not so many things la actually. But I’d like to think I’m in a mess anyway.

Some things are better left unsaid, but this time, I’m compelled to churn my gut out.

Hello kawan,

Apa bikin sekarang? Sudah sibuk ka? Wahai, dah berjaya dapat position hebat sekarang. Paper ada satu lagi, korang dah boleh masuk kerja. Jangan nak rendah diri pulak. Sedang kawan-kawan yang lain masih lagi terkapai-kapai nak cari hala tuju, korang dah berjaya jumpa jalan masing-masing.

Aku tak kata salah. Aku takde niat nak perli. Tapi kenapa ya, bila dah jumpa jalan, korang tinggalkan yang lain dibelakang. Kalau lupakan aku, takpe. Takdak masalah. Kita kenal bukan lama sangat pun. Dua setengah tahun je. Tapi dengan yang lain-lain tu, aku rasa, macam dah nak cecah enam tahun. Enam tahun!

Enam tahun, korang bergosip sama, bercerita, mengumpat mencela, mengeji mengata, bersembang huha huha. Tapi kenapa bila tak puas hati kat kawan-kawan, korang tak cerita? Senyap macam tu je. Mulut ada, cerita je la. Segan sangat ka?

Mula-mula dah tak lepak sama, lepas tu, buat geng sendiri pulak. Wah wah wah.. Tapi takpa la, asal korang bahagia. Cuma yang tak pahamnya, awat hangpa jadi lagu tu? Dah boring dengan kitorg ke? Nak merasa environment baru eh?

Ai… Ntah la kawan… Kita ni ada berapa hari je lagi nak berselih bahu. Tolonglah, aku taknak kenangan aku dengan korang hujungnya cuma sampai ke tahap ni.

Tapi kalau dah korang nak yang macam tu… =(

Apa dah jadi ni?

Mungkin sebab ni final sem, semua orang pun tengah depression.

Everything went haywire. Serabut sangat sangat.

Tengok cermin, muka depressed. Tengok kawan, pun nampak depressed. Even kawan yang tak depressed pun jadi depressed sebab concern pasal kawan-kawan yang tengah susah hati.

Ya, tu puncanya. Masalah hati.

Tolak ke tepi batu bata dan kayu; hati yang paling susah nak diubah. Sedangkan kalau fikir balik, tu semua perasaan je. Takde kesan pun.

Tapi aku tau. Salah statement tu.

Ntah la.

A little faith goes a long way.  

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